Tomarrow is my Daddy's 68th birthday. Its been over half my life since he passed away, but it seems like yesterday. I miss him dearly, but continue to celebrate his life every moment I can. Tomarrow I will be in an all day training with the American Cancer Society for the Relay for Life, so the boys and I decided to have Papa's birthday celebration a day early. We went and picked out some beautiful flowers and a birthday balloon, and this year added cupcakes to the event (courtesy of Eli's cute comment last year on Papa's birthday cake in heaven). We got to his grave, set up the balloons and flowers, then sang Happy Birthday and danced. When we got back in the car I handed out cupcakes to the boys and told them to make a wish for Papa and to share cupcakes with him. They pretended to throw cupcakes up to heaven to Papa, Eli insisted on throwing over and over and said that he wanted Papa to have extra's so he could save some for later (but reminded him to share with God). Im so happy we are able to celebrate his life with our boys in our own special ways. And the way they speak to and of Papa just warms my heart. The sincere love they show for him even though they never met him is amazing. Its especially hard to describe Eli's close bond to him in words that make sense. But a friend last year put it into better words than Ive ever been able to. That my Dad met Eli way before we ever did, and thats why Eli's bond is so strong. I couldnt have said it any better. Happy 68th birthday Daddy.
Here is a blog I posted last year on this date. I just read back on it and thought it was fun to read and thought Id share again....
Happy Birthday Daddy!
Ive come a long ways since I was 14 years old and my Daddy passed away. He had fallen in the hall on his way to the bathroom, mom and I helped him back to bed. She called his Dr. I remember standing in his bedroom doorway while she was in the living room on the phone, watching to see if his chest would rise with another breath, and mom running in and asking what I was doing, and her realizing that I was watching him..no longer breathing. She ran in, still on the phone with the dr., and checked his pulse. I was scared, confussed, sad, lost, in a panic, worried, etc. For years I would get so down and depressed every time I thought of him not being with us, especially on June 5th the day he passed. Why, it was so unfair.
Nine years later, the exact day Daddy passed away, I gave birth to Eli. I remember that first night after delivering him, I was holding Eli, he looked up at me and I totally saw my daddy in him. I lost it, bawled my eyes out. Something was telling me that he was with me, and proud to be a grandpa.
A year later, on Eli's first birthday, I remember waking up so sad. This was my sons first birthday, but also the anniversary of my daddys passing. All day long I would try to enjoy the day for Eli, but was constantly reminded that this was a day of passing as well.
We've always made trips to the grave yard with the kids. They know in pictures who he is. He may be gone, but they will always know how important he is and was. At about a year old, one time at the grave Eli just learning to talk, waved as we were leaving and said "Papa". We never said Papa, we said Grandpa to him...so this was his thing. And to me, I swear he was waving to Papa who had to be waving to him back because Eli was so young to have done that on his own. From them on, he was called Papa. He's always known exactly which head stone to go to, and is so excited to go there and take flowers, or a penny.
But it wasnt until his second birthday that I realized why Eli was given to us on that exact day of sadness. Daddy has been watching us for years, us all crying over that day. Him dying is not what his life was about and he wanted me to see that. June 5th is not a sad day anymore for me. Because June 5th is my sons birthday. From this Ive learned that I needed to celebrate my daddys LIFE not his Death. So I no longer wollow on the day he passed away, instead we celebrate Eli's birthday. Thats how daddy would have wanted it. Not to be sad he was gone, but to celebrate what we had with him. And he wouldnt want me to be sad on my sons birthday every year for sure. I feel that Eli was sent to me for many reasons. He sent us Eli to change the course of June 5th forever. No more saddness every year on that day...instead happiness. We visit Papa on holidays and everytime we are in the area. My kids love it! Eli has a great sense of direction and knows when we are in the area and asks to go see Papa. I love it. Mom and I have always believed that Papa talks to Eli, he just seemed to connect in a way thats so undescribable and honestly I feel like he has met him by the way he talks about him. It started at such a young age with his connection to my daddy so thats my only reasoning as to why he makes me believe he's with Eli. I guess really it makes no sense writting it out, sounds pretty confussing when I read back what I wrote. All I know is that Eli was sent to us with a greater purpose than many will ever realize or believe, but I believe it. I look in his eyes, I hear his words, and I see Daddy.
So we celebrate Papa's life now. Today is a day of celebration. Today is Daddy's birthday. Nov 15 1940 my Daddy was born. 67 years old today. The boys and I went to visit Papa this morning, took him flowers, and we all three sang happy birthday and danced next to his head stone while we sang. Im sure passer byers thought we were nutts. Being so happy at a grave yard, dont those wackos have any respect?? Then Eli so cutely said "goodbye Papa...eat lots of cake in heaven with God, see you next week". Three years ago going to his grave I would have left in tears holding my kids tight. But today, I left with a smile. Who couldnt smile over a birthday party in heaven?? Happy Birthday Daddy, eat lots of cake in Heaven. xoxo
Ive come a long ways since I was 14 years old and my Daddy passed away. He had fallen in the hall on his way to the bathroom, mom and I helped him back to bed. She called his Dr. I remember standing in his bedroom doorway while she was in the living room on the phone, watching to see if his chest would rise with another breath, and mom running in and asking what I was doing, and her realizing that I was watching him..no longer breathing. She ran in, still on the phone with the dr., and checked his pulse. I was scared, confussed, sad, lost, in a panic, worried, etc. For years I would get so down and depressed every time I thought of him not being with us, especially on June 5th the day he passed. Why, it was so unfair.
Nine years later, the exact day Daddy passed away, I gave birth to Eli. I remember that first night after delivering him, I was holding Eli, he looked up at me and I totally saw my daddy in him. I lost it, bawled my eyes out. Something was telling me that he was with me, and proud to be a grandpa.
A year later, on Eli's first birthday, I remember waking up so sad. This was my sons first birthday, but also the anniversary of my daddys passing. All day long I would try to enjoy the day for Eli, but was constantly reminded that this was a day of passing as well.
We've always made trips to the grave yard with the kids. They know in pictures who he is. He may be gone, but they will always know how important he is and was. At about a year old, one time at the grave Eli just learning to talk, waved as we were leaving and said "Papa". We never said Papa, we said Grandpa to him...so this was his thing. And to me, I swear he was waving to Papa who had to be waving to him back because Eli was so young to have done that on his own. From them on, he was called Papa. He's always known exactly which head stone to go to, and is so excited to go there and take flowers, or a penny.
But it wasnt until his second birthday that I realized why Eli was given to us on that exact day of sadness. Daddy has been watching us for years, us all crying over that day. Him dying is not what his life was about and he wanted me to see that. June 5th is not a sad day anymore for me. Because June 5th is my sons birthday. From this Ive learned that I needed to celebrate my daddys LIFE not his Death. So I no longer wollow on the day he passed away, instead we celebrate Eli's birthday. Thats how daddy would have wanted it. Not to be sad he was gone, but to celebrate what we had with him. And he wouldnt want me to be sad on my sons birthday every year for sure. I feel that Eli was sent to me for many reasons. He sent us Eli to change the course of June 5th forever. No more saddness every year on that day...instead happiness. We visit Papa on holidays and everytime we are in the area. My kids love it! Eli has a great sense of direction and knows when we are in the area and asks to go see Papa. I love it. Mom and I have always believed that Papa talks to Eli, he just seemed to connect in a way thats so undescribable and honestly I feel like he has met him by the way he talks about him. It started at such a young age with his connection to my daddy so thats my only reasoning as to why he makes me believe he's with Eli. I guess really it makes no sense writting it out, sounds pretty confussing when I read back what I wrote. All I know is that Eli was sent to us with a greater purpose than many will ever realize or believe, but I believe it. I look in his eyes, I hear his words, and I see Daddy.
So we celebrate Papa's life now. Today is a day of celebration. Today is Daddy's birthday. Nov 15 1940 my Daddy was born. 67 years old today. The boys and I went to visit Papa this morning, took him flowers, and we all three sang happy birthday and danced next to his head stone while we sang. Im sure passer byers thought we were nutts. Being so happy at a grave yard, dont those wackos have any respect?? Then Eli so cutely said "goodbye Papa...eat lots of cake in heaven with God, see you next week". Three years ago going to his grave I would have left in tears holding my kids tight. But today, I left with a smile. Who couldnt smile over a birthday party in heaven?? Happy Birthday Daddy, eat lots of cake in Heaven. xoxo
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